hard to see

First of all I didnt really expect you to understand anything i've done since what happened.
I'm sorry and I wasnt even intending to tell you

But i guess I have to tell you now

After the whole incident, I kept thinking to myself if what ur mom said was really true. As much as I want to say it's not true, some of it are, I guess, true. You cared and thought too much about me (sorry) and it distracted you from your main goal of studying. I gave it a lot of deep thoughts and I came up with a lot of things. But what I concluded it with was that we are indeed still too young to be in a too deep of a relationship. We have a lot of things to fulfill to our family and ,mostly,ourselves. I want to be a part of your life and I know you want to be a part of mine too. But I believe it's not yet the time.

About the tough love I was talking about. I really like you and I do love you, but you like me too much that you're so easily hurt by things I did. I want to be close to you but I'm not that good of a person so if you like me too much you're gonna be hurt more and we wont be able to last. I just feel like right now is not the right time. You should depend more on yourself cause with all the distance we will have, its gonna be hard for both of us.

Believe me I never once told a lie about how I feel about you, and that its really really hard for me to say all this. It's not easy either to stay away from you when it's becoming a routine and I enjoy all that. But I'm willing to sacrifice everything for your success, even if it means you have to hate me or anything along that line. I'm willing to wait and build up our relationship, even from the start all over again, if its really beneficial to both of our studies. If by then you found someone else or I did too much damage already then that's fine too. I'm willing to take all the chances here as I dont want to jeopardize someone else's future for my sake only.

Yes, you could say I'm a coward or I chickened out or anything like that, but I still believe it's all for the better. You can also say I'm delusional right now, but yes, I'm not yet ready to take away or reduce your chances of having a good and successful future.

You have every right to hate me or to be angry at me (but please dont be mad to yourself). But even though all that, I cant lie to myself that I still love you very dearly. I cant change that fact.

My hope is that you can stay strong and think of all these with clear minds and an open heart. I know I'm not right, or even I'm wrong in so many things about this. I hope you dont be as short-minded as I am right now.

and believe me, saying all this is one of the hardest thing i have ever done in our relationship.

I am supposed to make you feel safe, protect you and your heart. But right now, i cant do any of those, sincerely because I'm just not ready to take all the responsibilities and consequences of doing all those.

I'm sorry